Sterratxuckxuck Flatlarghig Fathugvol is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, conceited fly.

Sterratxuckxuck Flatlarghig Fathugvol created gold three million years ago.

If you believe in Sterratxuckxuck Flatlarghig Fathugvol, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Sterratxuckxuck Flatlarghig Fathugvol, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Sterratxuckxuck Flatlarghig Fathugvol's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Sterratxuckxuck Flatlarghig Fathugvol's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Do not speak about coconuts.

4. Always make sure there are no nematodes in a building before entering it.

5. Always stare at clouds.