Yarpnuttar is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, witty manatee.

Yarpnuttar created the cosmos eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarpnuttar, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Yarpnuttar, she will turn you into a plant.

Yarpnuttar's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Yarpnuttar's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about dwarf planets.

2. Do not trade with those who eat tomatoes.

3. Never eat lentils.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.