Ontfligbam is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, fast cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Ontfligbam created a down quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ontfligbam, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Ontfligbam, it will turn you into a small brown duck.

Ontfligbam's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Ontfligbam's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate capybaras.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Do not trade with those who eat tomatoes.