Fetguntail is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, awesome lobster.

Fetguntail created humanity nine million years ago.

If you believe in Fetguntail, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Fetguntail, he will make you grow a tail.

Fetguntail's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Fetguntail's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Always wear green.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Worship no other gods but Fetguntail.