Bonarplab is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, unthoughtful tapir.

Bonarplab created the planet Earth two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bonarplab, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Bonarplab, she will manifest in front of you.

Bonarplab's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Bonarplab's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear gray.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.