Bonarplab is a god.
She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, unthoughtful
tapir.
Bonarplab created the planet Earth two thousand years ago.
If you believe in
Bonarplab, she will smite all your enemies.
If you do not believe in
Bonarplab, she will manifest in front of you.
Bonarplab's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.
Bonarplab's Holy Commandments1. Always wear gray.
2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.
3. Never eat bark.
4. Never talk about fire.
5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.