Apptenhakcedxemsugtaf is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, capable dove.

Apptenhakcedxemsugtaf created carbon two billion years ago.

If you believe in Apptenhakcedxemsugtaf, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Apptenhakcedxemsugtaf, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Apptenhakcedxemsugtaf's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Apptenhakcedxemsugtaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about quantum mechanics.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Do not bounce in public.

4. Always wear mauve.

5. Never talk about eukaryotes.