Badlidarm is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, charitable cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Badlidarm created the planet Saturn nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Badlidarm, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Badlidarm, she will denounce you as a heretic.

Badlidarm's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Badlidarm's Holy Commandments

1. Birds are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Do not keep seven tortoises in a large pit.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Do not hurt capybaras.

5. Do not dye your hair blue.