Hogquimtif is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, merciless bee.

Hogquimtif created a strange quark two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hogquimtif, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Hogquimtif, she will be very unhappy.

Hogquimtif's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Hogquimtif's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick gulls.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Never run in the presence of turtles.

4. Never paint your neck turquoise.

5. Hogquimtif loves ants, so they must be honoured.