Fonhindud is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, fussy dove.

Fonhindud created carbon nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fonhindud, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Fonhindud, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Fonhindud's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Fonhindud's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Never eat carrots.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Always obey Fonhindud's priests.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.