Hanlargfotcut is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, pitiless bear.

Hanlargfotcut created a quark two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hanlargfotcut, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Hanlargfotcut, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Hanlargfotcut's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Hanlargfotcut's Holy Commandments

1. Hanlargfotcut must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Do not count beyond eight during ceremonies.

4. Do not travel during summer.

5. Do not shave your neck.