Hapfemwee is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, narcissistic manatee.

Hapfemwee created an electron two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hapfemwee, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Hapfemwee, he will turn you into a rock.

Hapfemwee's most sacred site is Cusihuiriachi in Mexico.

Hapfemwee's Holy Commandments

1. Great tits are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Never talk about frogs.

3. Never hop near horses.

4. Never look at moons.

5. Never eat green fruit.