Fagbetdog is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, self-assured slug.

Fagbetdog created the Sombrero Galaxy four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fagbetdog, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Fagbetdog, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Fagbetdog's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Fagbetdog's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Fagbetdog.