Tabjampoplan is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, happy raven.

Tabjampoplan created life eight million years ago.

If you believe in Tabjampoplan, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Tabjampoplan, she will torture you forever.

Tabjampoplan's most sacred site is Basalorum in Sweden.

Tabjampoplan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not place apples upon stone.

2. Do not fashion tools from tin.

3. Never think about deoxyribonucleic acid.

4. Never chant in the presence of mites.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of lead.