Lammapgem is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, tranquil grasshopper.

Lammapgem created carbon seven million years ago.

If you believe in Lammapgem, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Lammapgem, it will turn you into a small brown duck.

Lammapgem's most sacred site is Manna in Greece.

Lammapgem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear brown clothing.

2. Learn eight new languages a year.

3. Always remove shorts before touching lead.

4. Never record signs.

5. Goats are not to be trusted.