Jon is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, slow bird.

Jon created dark matter seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jon, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Jon, he will turn you into a puffin.

Jon's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Jon's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Jon.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Do not take Jon's name in vain.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.