Teenvonkgil is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, unfair squirrel.

Teenvonkgil created an up quark four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Teenvonkgil, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Teenvonkgil, it will send you a strongly worded letter.

Teenvonkgil's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Teenvonkgil's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Never talk about electromagnetism.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate shrews.

5. Never talk about bacteria.