Zakarmnut is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, narcissistic porpoise.

Zakarmnut created a bottom quark five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zakarmnut, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Zakarmnut, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Zakarmnut's most sacred site is Manna in Greece.

Zakarmnut's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into magenta rooms.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Run away from fawn gulls, for they are unholy.

4. Never laugh near shrews.

5. Do not make images of living things.