Nelcapmumsan is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, resourceful slug.

Nelcapmumsan created Asia seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Nelcapmumsan, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Nelcapmumsan, it will come to you in dreams.

Nelcapmumsan's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Nelcapmumsan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in brown rooms.

2. Never write about quantum mechanics.

3. Do not eat bread.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.