Baftargmadkan is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, unthoughtful toad.

Baftargmadkan created life seven million years ago.

If you believe in Baftargmadkan, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Baftargmadkan, she will try to impress you with rainbows.

Baftargmadkan's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Baftargmadkan's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fluid mechanics near snails while wearing orange corsets and balancing five lead spheres on your neck.

2. Do not speak about peanuts.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Never go into white rooms.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate hamsters.