Haslapnell is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, humane cobra.

Haslapnell created a charm quark three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Haslapnell, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Haslapnell, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Haslapnell's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Haslapnell's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Never hurt gulls.

3. You must pray to Haslapnell six times a day.

4. Never talk about thermodynamics near aardvarks while wearing yellow shoes.

5. You must love Haslapnell.