Lagfarquill is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, prudent lobster.

Lagfarquill created a down quark two billion years ago.

If you believe in Lagfarquill, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Lagfarquill, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Lagfarquill's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Lagfarquill's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Lagfarquill must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Never think about nucleic acids.

4. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

5. Do not chop down trees.