Dimcisslag is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, charitable scorpion.

Dimcisslag created matter five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dimcisslag, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Dimcisslag, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Dimcisslag's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Dimcisslag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat peanuts.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Never wear coats.

4. Never talk about ultrasonics near cats while wearing pink trousers.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.