Cissyarhon is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, proud monkey.

Cissyarhon created Africa seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cissyarhon, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Cissyarhon, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Cissyarhon's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Cissyarhon's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear fawn shoes.

2. Bats are not to be trusted.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Never talk about special relativity near snails while wearing brown rings.