Jonwiktail is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, fast lizard.

Jonwiktail created the world six billion years ago.

If you believe in Jonwiktail, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Jonwiktail, she will send you a sign.

Jonwiktail's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Jonwiktail's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Hide from turquoise tapirs for they are unholy.

4. Never talk about fluid mechanics.

5. Never write about moons.