Tamkemtap is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, boastful fairy.

Tamkemtap created a photon eight million years ago.

If you believe in Tamkemtap, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Tamkemtap, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Tamkemtap's most sacred site is Anony in Madagascar.

Tamkemtap's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Never write about comets.

4. Never gather seven sharks near walls.

5. Do not contemplate gravity during the night.