Nurlmobfun is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, compassionate hydra.

Nurlmobfun created energy four million years ago.

If you believe in Nurlmobfun, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Nurlmobfun, it will turn you into a mole.

Nurlmobfun's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Nurlmobfun's Holy Commandments

1. Erect six zinc sculptures of Nurlmobfun on top of important buildings.

2. Never chant in the presence of bats.

3. Learn three new languages a year.

4. Put Nurlmobfun first in all things.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.