Hotcidlarpweg is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, unjust pigeon.

Hotcidlarpweg created oxygen six billion years ago.

If you believe in Hotcidlarpweg, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Hotcidlarpweg, he will turn you into a tree.

Hotcidlarpweg's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Hotcidlarpweg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your legs.

2. Never think about dark matter near swans while wearing turquoise stockings and balancing five carbon spheres on your head.

3. You must never eat peas.

4. Never eat wheat.

5. Do not keep eight otters in a large pit.