Taphigflis is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, all-knowing shrew.

Taphigflis created the planet Mars four million years ago.

If you believe in Taphigflis, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Taphigflis, she will attempt to scare you with floods.

Taphigflis' most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Taphigflis' Holy Commandments

1. Taphigflis must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Never think about the strong nuclear force near mites while wearing red ear rings and balancing three zinc spheres on your hands.

3. Never talk about gravity.

4. Never mention goats.

5. Do not chop down trees.