Hatlegvol is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, witty gorilla.

Hatlegvol created a Higgs boson two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hatlegvol, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Hatlegvol, it will turn you into a worm.

Hatlegvol's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Hatlegvol's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Hatlegvol.

2. Never chant in the presence of elders.

3. Never wear yellow boots on sacred days.

4. Never adorn your hands with brown markings.

5. Always make sure there are no great tits in a room before entering it.