Janlipken Biggodfit is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, irritating crane.

Janlipken Biggodfit created parasitic wasps six million years ago.

If you believe in Janlipken Biggodfit, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Janlipken Biggodfit, he will curse you with boils.

Janlipken Biggodfit's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Janlipken Biggodfit's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.