Gunpitceb is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, sage armadillo.

Gunpitceb created the Small Magellanic Cloud seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gunpitceb, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Gunpitceb, she will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Gunpitceb's most sacred site is Sarti in Greece.

Gunpitceb's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed coconuts to snails while wearing jumpers.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Erect nine tin sculptures of Gunpitceb on top of important buildings.