Gudquillmif Tapfutrip is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, sage clam.

Gudquillmif Tapfutrip created dark matter seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gudquillmif Tapfutrip, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Gudquillmif Tapfutrip, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Gudquillmif Tapfutrip's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Gudquillmif Tapfutrip's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Erect a giant magenta sculpture of Gudquillmif Tapfutrip in the centre of the settlement.

4. Never run in the presence of swans.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.