Zankiprak is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, unthinking aardvark.

Zankiprak created a photon nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Zankiprak, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Zankiprak, she will turn you into a snail.

Zankiprak's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Zankiprak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Paint representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Always make sure there are no squirrels in a building before entering it.

4. Retreat if nine swans approach from the north.

5. Respect your elders.