Tigwitcun is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, two-faced hare.

Tigwitcun created dark energy two million years ago.

If you believe in Tigwitcun, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Tigwitcun, she will refuse to believe in you.

Tigwitcun's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Tigwitcun's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat tapirs with great respect.

2. You must love Tigwitcun.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. You must never eat carrots.

5. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near otters while wearing black tights and balancing six carbon spheres on your legs.