Guntamlun is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, sapient elephant.

Guntamlun created Mount Everest six million years ago.

If you believe in Guntamlun, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Guntamlun, it will not care.

Guntamlun's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Guntamlun's Holy Commandments

1. Never run near monkeys.

2. Worship no other gods but Guntamlun.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Do not dye your hair mauve.

5. Never hurt sheep.