Listlak Garkiknibyarlop is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, sapient salamander.

Listlak Garkiknibyarlop created parasitic wasps four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Listlak Garkiknibyarlop, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Listlak Garkiknibyarlop, she will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Listlak Garkiknibyarlop's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Listlak Garkiknibyarlop's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Never think about dark matter near bats while wearing purple boots and balancing seven carbon spheres on your legs.

3. Never mention goats.

4. Retreat if four sheep approach from the south.

5. Always stare at clouds.