Cabhanbatjip is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, all-powerful octopus.

Cabhanbatjip created snails nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cabhanbatjip, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Cabhanbatjip, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Cabhanbatjip's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Cabhanbatjip's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Always help great tits in need.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Never think about solid mechanics near turtles while wearing blue kilts and balancing four tin spheres on your face.

5. Never wear pink shorts.