Wanzanciss is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, competent cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Wanzanciss created the planet Saturn seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Wanzanciss, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Wanzanciss, she will refuse to believe in you.

Wanzanciss' most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Wanzanciss' Holy Commandments

1. Never write about quantum gravity.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Wanzanciss.

3. Never feed rice to cats while wearing turquoise tights.

4. Hide if six goats approach from the east.

5. Always help sick porpoises.