Jopstikbest is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, charitable tortoise.

Jopstikbest created the Virgo Supercluster four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jopstikbest, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Jopstikbest, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Jopstikbest's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Jopstikbest's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear green jumpers.

2. Jopstikbest loves birds, so they must be honoured.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate pigs.

4. Never think about dark matter near hamsters while wearing yellow boots and balancing eight aluminium spheres on your hands.

5. Never sing near seals.