Vilxuckraw is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, fast snail.

Vilxuckraw created time and space six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vilxuckraw, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Vilxuckraw, he will turn you into a duck.

Vilxuckraw's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Vilxuckraw's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Do not trade with those who eat tomatoes.

4. Paint representations of nebulae on the walls of your dwelling place in purple.

5. Do not cook food in pots.