Zimdimlen is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, fussy walrus.

Zimdimlen created the universe two million years ago.

If you believe in Zimdimlen, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Zimdimlen, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Zimdimlen's most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Zimdimlen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Never think about cell theory.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Always stare at clouds.