Futominpak is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, unthinking goblin.

Futominpak created humankind seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Futominpak, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Futominpak, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Futominpak's most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Futominpak's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat melons.

2. Never feed garlic to moths while wearing pink boots.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Do not skip in public.

5. Feed all hungry shrews.