Bomtarp Cidlapgad is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, overgenerous fish.

Bomtarp Cidlapgad created a Higgs boson five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bomtarp Cidlapgad, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Bomtarp Cidlapgad, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Bomtarp Cidlapgad's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Bomtarp Cidlapgad's Holy Commandments

1. Learn nine new languages a year.

2. Run away if six bats approach from the east.

3. Erect a giant white sculpture of Bomtarp Cidlapgad in the centre of the settlement.

4. Pray towards the south.

5. Always look after injured porpoises.