Rakrotwigven is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, dishonest tortoise.

Rakrotwigven created humankind nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Rakrotwigven, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Rakrotwigven, it will turn you into a slug.

Rakrotwigven's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Rakrotwigven's Holy Commandments

1. Do not step barefoot upon red earth.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Always help ducks.

4. Do not kill great tits.

5. Always make sure there are no dogs in a building before entering it.