Dunsom is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, vain gorilla.

Dunsom created bats seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dunsom, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Dunsom, she will jump up and down on your head.

Dunsom's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Dunsom's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about ribonucleic acid.

2. Run away from yellow squirrels, for they are unholy.

3. Put Dunsom first in all things.

4. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

5. Do not drink water in red rooms.