Tomlipkan is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, calm squid.

Tomlipkan created viruses two million years ago.

If you believe in Tomlipkan, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Tomlipkan, she will destroy your home solar system.

Tomlipkan's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Tomlipkan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your hands.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Always wear gray.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.