Bonkcanfem is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, intelligent toad.

Bonkcanfem created the Sombrero Galaxy seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bonkcanfem, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Bonkcanfem, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Bonkcanfem's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Bonkcanfem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Draw representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Never feed cucumbers to whales while wearing corsets.

4. Always look after injured aardvarks.

5. Always obey Bonkcanfem's priests.