Madstafran is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, dishonest porpoise.

Madstafran created the planet Earth five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Madstafran, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Madstafran, she will attempt to scare you with floods.

Madstafran's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Madstafran's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Never feed corn to ants while wearing boots.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Do not kill mites.