Targortflampang is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, prudent naga.

Targortflampang created water eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Targortflampang, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Targortflampang, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Targortflampang's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Targortflampang's Holy Commandments

1. Put Targortflampang first in all things.

2. Always make sure there are no dolphins in a room before entering it.

3. Never wear coats.

4. Feed all hungry shrews.

5. Never leap near tortoises.