Vanbonkken is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, generous raccoon.

Vanbonkken created a Higgs boson two billion years ago.

If you believe in Vanbonkken, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Vanbonkken, she will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Vanbonkken's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Vanbonkken's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. You must never eat turnips.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Always help ducks in need.

5. Never chant in the presence of snails.